Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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