He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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