Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
