I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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