I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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