Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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