Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
