hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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