She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
