New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
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I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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