Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
