I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
