Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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