I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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