jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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