We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
