fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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