Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
