some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
