I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
