If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
