Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
