yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
