Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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