I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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