our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
