Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
