Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
