his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
