Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
