I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
