Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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