you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
