are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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