I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
