1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Randomize
