So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
