if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I want to make a zoo with you.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
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I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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