Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
