just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
