another moral hangover. fuck.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
