Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
