yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
