Define "chronic" masturbator.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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