i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
