More tranny stories later!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Still dying that you shit outside
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
