So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
