This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
