I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
