I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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