You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
