so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
