Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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