omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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