I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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