Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
