don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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