By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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