I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
