worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think your dad took our porno
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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