ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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