I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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