I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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