i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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