So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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