You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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