Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
