I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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