If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
