you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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