his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
