Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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