he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I have aggressive nipples.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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