$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
