I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
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I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
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I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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