the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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