i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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