Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
