Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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