ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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